Bunnies Win NFFL Cup X

Fluffiest Bunnies

Pixie Unicorn Times (Fluffiest, FL) – The Fluffiest Bunnies decimated the N. Fla. Seersuckers en route to their first NFFL Championship by a score of 150-97.  The 150 points scored by the Bunnies are the most in NFFL Cup history, easily eclipsing the 124 points scored by the 2007 Slippery Rock Tortfeasors.  Breaking her year long media silence Bunnies owner Joanna “Glinda” Bonfanti took the confetti strewn riser on the 50 yard line of N. Fla. Field.  “Today, I consider myself the luckiest woman alive! Who saw Blake Bortles, Tim Hightower, Julio Jones, and Allen Robinson all having amazing days? I did. Bless your hearts, you gave it your all but we are the cream of the NFFL crop! Wooooo!”

The mood in the Seersuckers’ locker room following the loss was somber. Following a historic 13-1 season hopes of claiming the franchises’ second NFFL title were high. “Today we ran into a buzz saw known as the Fluffiest Bunnies. When your opponent drops 150 points , all you can do lose, which is exactly what we did,” said Michael “Pork Rocks” Bonfanti.

The NFFL Cup will be retrieved in the coming week and taken to Tim “Magic Man” Yoho for engraving before being delivered to the Fluffiest Bunnies’ adorable team office.

Bunnies Face ‘Seers in Final

glinda-the-good-witch

Tallahassee Democrat (Tallahassee, FL) – The first round of the NFFL Playoffs saw both higher seeded teams defeat their lower seeded opponents, and set up a showdown between the top two teams.   In the first match-up the 13-1 N. Fla. Seersuckers rolled over the over matched Mootown Marauders by a score of 103-78.  “Two wins in two weeks over the Marauders is something to crow about. Unless of course you happen to live in the same household as Mootown’s owner. Then you stay quiet and keep your head down,” said ‘Seers P.R. Director Louis C.K.  The loss ends the Marauders’ season two wins short of their ultimate goal. “We wanted to win the NFFL Cup for a third time, but it wasn’t in the Manolos,” sighed a dejected Aaron Rodgers.

The second game saw the most dangerous team in the NFFL, the Fluffiest Bunnies, dismantle the Southwood Dolphins 116-84. The loss to the displeasure of ‘Fins fans upped the streak of seasons without a title to 7, and forced owner Seth “Lemon Law” Rubin to leave the stadium under armed escort.  Meanwhile, Bunnies GM Glinda the Good Witch basked in the latest win. “Good teams win, and bad teams lose. Right now, we are really good,” exclaimed Ms. Good Witch as she turned her attention to the downfall of the N. Fla. Seersuckers in NFFL Cup X.

ZIPIT BEDDING NFFL PLAYOFF SCHEDULE

#2 Fluffiest Bunnies vs. #1 North Florida Seersuckers

Week 14 Power Rankings

NFFL League Office (Monticello, FL) – The 2014 NFFL Regular Season is in the books, and all four playoff spots are claimed.  “We had a little reshuffling this week, but nothing major. Also, Zollner is terrible at the fantasy football,” said NFFL Statistical Analyst Andrew “” Woodward as he revealed the latest NFFL Power Rankings.

NAPA NFFL POWER RANKINGS

RANK TEAM TREND COMMENTS
1 North Florida Seersuckers NC The ‘Seers finish the regular season with a historic 13-1 record.
2 Fluffiest Bunnies +2 The Bunnies locked up the Lombardi Division and the #2 seed with a whooping of the struggling Beavers.
3 Southwood Dolphins NC The Dolphins survived a tough challenge from the Colony to take the Gunsel Division.
4 Mootown Marauders -2 A loss to the ‘Seers dropped Mootown into the wild card spot, and rematch with N. Fla.
5 Jameistown Colony NC A great first season in the NFFL ends with the Colony on the outside looking in.
6 Coles Miners NC The up and down season for the Miners ends on a low with a loss to Southwood.
7 Golden Eagles +1 The Eagles never gave up and following a horrific start to 2015 close the season at 7-7.
8 Canadian Beavers -1 2-5 to close the year means the Beavers won’t have a shot at the NFFL Cup.
9 Slippery Rock Tortfeasors +1 Five wins after an NFFL Cup is a major disappointment. Do better.
10 Auburn Numbers +2 The Numbers struggled to find W’s in their sophomore season.
11 Little Lebowski Urban Achievers -1 Time to get blackout drunk after losing to the Numbers and falling to #11 in the rankings.
12 Miccosukee Nimrods -1 A 3-11 campaign means dousing the team offices in kerosene, lighting a match, and looking forward to 2016.

‘Seers, Bunnies, ‘Fins and Marauders Make Playoffs

Seersuckers Twain

Monticello News (Monticello, FL) – The N. Fla. Seersuckers completed a historic regular season with a 105-66 win over the Mootown Marauders.  The 13-1 records is the best all time regular season record ever compiled by an NFFL team.  “It’s all about the process and match-ups,” said ‘Seers head coach Jimbo Fisher. “We got a lot of good break during the season, avoided injury, and whooped our arch rivals in the season finale. Now we’re looking to the playoffs.” Following the victory ‘Seers owner Mike “No Comment” Bonfanti, in the interest of marital harmony, declined to address the media.  The result sets up a rematch between the Marauders and Seersuckers in the first round of the NFFL Playoffs. “We may have lost this week, but the playoffs are our time to shine! Plus, win or lose I’ll buy more fabulous shoes,” said Kirsten “Manolo” Matthis-Bonfanti.

The Fluffiest Bunnies defeated the Canadian Beavers 93-51, and coupled with the Marauders’ loss captured the Lombardi Division crown.  Bunnies’ PR Director, Lilly Okanakamura celebrated the victory with a tall cold drink and announced all her teeth come from different people. No further explanation was provided and the media left the press conference feeling unsettled.  For the Canadian Beavers, the loss plunged the team to a disappointing 6-7-1 records.  “Honestly, I stopped trying after Week 7. I thought I had the league title in the bag, I was wrong,” said Sara “Poutine” Hart.

The Gunsel Division title was secured by the Southwood Dolphins following a scrappy 107-104 win over the Coles Miners.  The ‘Fins are in the playoffs for the sixth time in seven years and hope to capture their first NFFL Cup. “We fended off a spirited challenge by the Colony, and look to knock off the Bunnies. Beating Bonfantis is what we do!” said a highly overconfident Mikey “Milk Drunk” Rubin as he freely gave out high fives to all passerbys on Apalachee Parkway.

FOUR LOKO NFFL SCOREBOARD

Tortfeasors 123
Nimrods 66

Numbers 94
Achievers 80

Eagles 127
Colony 67

ZIPIT BEDDING NFFL PLAYOFF SCHEDULE

#4 Mootown Marauders vs. #1 North Florida Seersuckers

#3 Southwood Dolphins vs. #2 Fluffiest Bunnies

TARGET NFFL STANDINGS

LOMBARDI DIVISION
TEAM W L T PCT GB
# Fluffiest Bunnies 9 4 1 .679
* Mootown Marauders 9 5 0 .643 0.5
x Coles Miners 7 7 0 .500 2.5
x Slippery Rock Tortfeasors 5 9 0 .357 4.5
TAGLIABUE DIVISION
TEAM W L T PCT GB
# North Florida Seersuckers 13 1 0 .929
x Golden Eagles 7 7 0 .500 6
x Canadian Beavers 6 7 1 .464 6.5
x Auburn Number 4 10 0 .286 9
GUNSEL DIVISION
TEAM W L T PCT GB
# Southwood Dolphins 8 5 1 .607
x Jameistown Colony 7 6 1 .536 1
x Little Lebowski Urban Achievers 4 10 0 .286 4.5
x Miccosukee Nimrods 3 11 0 .214 5.5

# – Division Champion
* – Qualified for the 2015 NFFL Playoffs
x – Eliminated from the 2015 NFFL Playoffs

 

Week 13 Power Rankings

NFFL League Office (Monticello, FL) –  Five teams are fighting for four playoff spots.  “Drama. That’s all I have to say about that,” said NFFL Statistical Analyst Andrew “f (x)” Woodward as he revealed the latest NFFL Power Rankings.

NAPA NFFL POWER RANKINGS

RANK TEAM TREND COMMENTS
1 North Florida Seersuckers NC The ‘Seers improve to 12-1 following a 39 point beat down of the Colony.
2 Mootown Marauders NC Division winner or wild card team? Next week’s intra-marital match-up against the ‘Seers is pivotal.
3 Southwood Dolphins +4 A pivotal win has Southwood with one fin in the playoffs.
4 Fluffiest Bunnies NC The Bunnies are assured of at least the wild card spot in the NFFL Playoffs.
5 Jameistown Colony -2 The Colony’s playoff hopes are dangling by a thread. So much for brotherly love.
6 Coles Miners -1 A loss to the Numbers dashes the Miners’ playoff hopes.
7 Canadian Beavers -1 There’s always next year, eh?
8 Golden Eagles NC A loss to the Dolphins has the Eagles looking towards 2016.
9 Little Lebowski Urban Achievers NC You got 4 wins. And that’s better than 3. So there’s that.
10 Slippery Rock Tortfeasors +1 If the season was 1,563 games long the Tortfeasors would have a shot.
11 Miccosukee Nimrods -1 I come not the praise the Nimrods, but to bury them.
12 Auburn Numbers NC Positive: Win #3. Negative: Win #3.