Exclusive Interview with Nimrods Owner Joe Zollner

Tallahassee Democrat (Tallahassee, FL) – Following a disappointing 4-8-1 regular season the ‘Rods decimated the Peabody Tanners 148-66 in the Loser’s Bracket. was granted an exclusive and candid interview with the owner of the Miccosukee Nimrods, Joe Zollner.  At the time of the interview Joe Z was hopped up after a four day sugar binge.

The ‘Rods were one of last year’s finalist but this year finished DFL in their division.  Despite the miserable finish Miccosukee petioned the league office for admission into the playoffs.  “Shit happens.  Being left out of the playoffs sucks, it’s un-American.  In America everyone gets a shot!” said Zollner.

When asked what meaning the regular season would have if his team was automatically allowed to make the the playoffs Zollner deflected the question. “I’m not saying a team that made it should be kicked out. I’m not like that.  I just think there needs to be space at the tables for the ‘Rods and everyone else.”

Although the regular season would lose all meaning if all teams made the playoffs Zollner countered. “It goes towards match-ups. It goes towards byes. What the fuck? You should know this stuff. I’m being discriminated against because I’m Polish” he shouted as he shotgunned his sixth Red Bull of the interview.

Concerning changes coming in the offseason Zollner noted that none were coming.  He also broke the news that Stubby, the team’s long time equipment manager had been terminated. “I think he’s buried under the New Meadowlands, but really who cares!”


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