Monticello News (Monticello, FL) – The sixth seeded Monticello Cornish Hens pulled off the biggest upset in NFFL history as they defeated the top seeded Golden Eagles 96-71 in NFFL Cup V. As time expired the Hens sideline exploded in celebration and owner Tyler “Capitan” McNeill was doused in a shower of Powerade. The announcers in the booth for WHNS, the Hens’ official broadcast partner, were seen jumping for joy. Lead broadcaster Gene Deckerhoff’s call of “The Hens win the NFFL Cup! The Hens win the NFFL Cup!” became an instant classic in the homes in and around the Greater Monticello Metropolitan area.
Once the champagne corks were popped inside the visitor’s locker room at Super Lube Field at Golden Eagle Stadium the Hens’ owner addressed the press. “I’ve wanted that cup since I first set eyes on it, it’s going to look great on my mantle. I am also looking forward to reminding Kirk Reams and the Lamont All Stars that they are losers on a daily basis” said McNeill.
Reports out of Monticello indicate a spontaneous celebration erupted in the downtown area. Bonfires were built out of furniture and vacant store fronts were vandalized. Small arms fire could also be heard emanating from the Rooster Town. Local Monticello resident Rick Keams summed up what many were feeling, “I’ve supported the Hens since the beginning and this win means so much! I won’t have to pay my taxes! I won’t have to pay my mortgage! Mr. McNeill and the Hens are going to take care of me!” A second Monticello resident E. Kim Bonfanti was seen streaking down U.S. 90 with the Hens logo on his buttocks. He exclaimed “Hens rule!” as he ran past Starducks and into the night.
The mood was much more subdued in the Eagles’ locker room. The loss represents the third time the Eagles have lost the NFFL Cup and unnamed sources have indicated they may rename themselves the Golden Bills. Eagles owner Tom “Flea Flicker” Criss was visibly distraught following the loss. He refused to address the press and was observed drinking a virgin pina colada while mumbling “We lost NFFL Cup II, we lost NFFL III and now we lose NFFL Cup V” over and over again.
The NFFL League Office has indicated that the trophy ceremony will take place as soon as the Cup is engraved and a beverage of McNeill’s choice is secured.