Jefferson County Journal (Monticello, FL) – Behind closed doors in a smoke filled room at the local Days Inn a deal was brokered between the owners and players that will allow the 2011 NFFL to kick off as scheduled. The players buckled under financial strains that allowed the owners to divide and conquer.
The terms of the deal are slowly leaking out but it appears that players will have limited rights to satellite television, fast food and imported luxury vehicles. “I wouldn’t say they’re indentured servants, but they’re close to it. You’re not a person, you’re a punter!” said Marauders owner Kirsten Matthis as she demanded a double tequilla from her team’s kicker.
The league office is now finalizing plans for the 2011 NFFL Draft. As of this evening several locations are being considered incluing Belgium, Rangoon and Perry, Florida. “As usual our decision will be based upon whoever presents us with the sweetest deal. Perry has Goodman’s Real Pit BBQ. That’s all I’m saying.” said Comissioner Mike Bonfanti.