Chicago Sun Times (Chicago, IL) – The Miccosukee Nimrods increased their win streak to 3 games with a 120-113 victory over the hated Slippery Rock Tortfeasors. Following some early season struggles the Nimrods now find themselves atop the Tagliabue Division. “Whoooooooo! That’s right! Who has two thumbs and his team is in first place? This guy right here!” said ‘Rods owner Joe “Dive Bomb” Zollner. The mood in the Tortfeasors locker room was subdued and head coach Oliver North blamed the loss on the Italians. “I love them, but they didn’t have the fight in them I expected. I’m disappointed and Il Duce will not be pleased.” The Dolphins will look to get back on track next week against the Hilliard Flashes.
The Golden Eagles defeated their long time rival, the Southwood Dolphins, 89-82. The Eagles were able to mount a strong rally by the Terrors in the 4th quarter to secure the win. “With the Tigers losing in the American League Championship Series I was sort of depressed. But sticking it to the Dolphins make me feel a little better,” said Eagles’ owner Tom Criss. The Southwood Dolphins refused to give interviews following the loss and there were rumors Defensive Coordinator Troy Rubin could be replaced.
In the late game the North Florida Seersuckers defeated the Hilliard Flashes 66-59 on a last second touchdown pass to Santonio Holmes. Becky “I will cut you” Bonfanti was unavailable for comment and her representative, Jackson Dogg indicated she was “tossing her husband’s belongings into the back yard.” Seersuckers’ owner Mike “Riverboat” Bonfanti was reserved about the victory. “Winning is nice, but you know what they say about a woman scorned. I think I’ll be relocating day to day football operations to my tent until a more amiable atmosphere permeates our marital home.”
Energy Blaster 3000 NFFL Scoreboard
Cornish Hens 82
All Stars 75