Sheyboygan Press (Sheyboygan, WI) – The Mootown Marauder continued their charge towards respectability with a 109-85 win over the suddenly struggling Southwood Dolphins. Following the win the Marauders GM Geoff Gonzalez held court at Trattoria Stefano and discussed the team’s resurgence. “I attribute our success to several things. Among them are heaters, vodka and snuff movies,” said Gonzalez as he crushed a plate of Ossobuco alla Milanese.
Fifteen hundred miles to the south in God’s country the Lamont All Stars administered a historic 93-20 whooping to the rudderless Tallahassee Terrors. The Terrors’ pitiful 20 points is the lowest number of points scored by any team in the post-expansion era of the NFFL. Terrors’ owner Brian Hunter was not in attendance at the game and his exact whereabouts are unknown. “Running a team in the highly competitive NFFL requires commitment, and right now I’m not sure our owner has his priorities straight,” said Terrors wide received Miles Austin, who wished to remain nameless.
The Monticello Cornish Hens overtook the flailing ‘Fins for second place in the Tagliabue Division with a 110-88 win over the North Florida Seersuckers. The loss was the ‘Seers first since Week 1 of the season and did not sit well with the ‘Seers GM Harland “Drumstick” Sanders. “Playing smash mouth football is a lot easier than coming up with a recipe that contains 11 herbs and spices,” Sanders noted as he emptied a bucket of extra crispy. Hens’ owner Tyler McNeill was elated following the victory and noted the NFFL Cup would have to be pried from his cold dead hands.
Energy Blaster 3000 NFFL Scoreboard
Golden Eagles 82
Subway Fresh Take NFFL Standings
|North Florida Seersuckers||5||2||0||.714||—|
|Slippery Rock Tortfeasors||4||3||0||.571||1|
|Tallahassee Nitro Terrors||1||5||1||.214||3.5|
|Monticello Cornish Hens||4||2||1||.643||0.5|
|Lamont All Stars||3||3||1||.500||1.5|