Terrors Terrible in Loss to Tortfeasors

Tallahassee Democrat (Tallahassee, FL) – The season of woe continues for the once proud Tallahassee Terrors as they were decimated by the Slippery Rock Tortfeasors 77-28.   Several of the Terrors forgot a game was scheduled this week and failed to travel with the team.  “We’re still playing? That’s news to me. I thought we were done for the year,” said Terrors’ star running back Chris “Show Me the Money” Johnson.  The Terrors’ owner Brian “Dreamland” Hunter consoled himself with a large chopped pork sandwich after the game and refused to address the media.  The loss drops the Terros to 2-7-1 and effectively eliminates them from the NFFL Playoffs.

The Mootown Marauders continued their winning ways as they defeated the Golden Eagles 98-72.  The Marauders are now in first place in the Lombardi Division by virtue of the tie breaker they hold against the sagging Seersuckers. “OMG, being in first place is awesome!” said an excited Marauders’ owner Kirsten “Gazprom” Matthis.  For the Eagles, the NFFL Playoffs are not out of the question and they will look to rebound against a stumbling North Florida team in Week 11.

The Miccosukee Nimrods Cinderella season continued this week as they defeated the Lamont All Stars 83-80.  The Nimrods at 7-3 have the best record in the NFFL and are in good position to claim a first round bye in the NFFL Playoffs. “Fuck yeah! That’s what I’m talking about! Lamont is a bunch of losers. We are winners!” said a jacked up Joey “Pierogi” Zollner.  The Nimrods will look to tighten their hold on first place next week when they travel to Hilliard.

Energy Blaster 3000 NFFL Scoreboard

Dolphins 104
Seersuckers 86

Cornish Hens 95
Flashes 79

Subway Fresh Take NFFL Standings

LOMBARDI DIVISION
TEAM W L T PCT GB
Mootown Marauders 6 4 0 .600
North Florida Seersuckers 6 4 0 .600
Slippery Rock Tortfeasors 6 4 0 .600
Golden Eagles 4 5 1 .450 1.5
Tallahassee Nitro Terrors 2 7 1 .250 3.5
TAGLIABUE DIVISION
TEAM W L T PCT GB
Miccosukee Nimrods 7 3 0 .700
Monticello Cornish Hens 6 3 1 .650 0.5
Southwood Dolphins 6 4 0 .600 1
Lamont All Stars 3 6 1 .350 3.5
Hilliard Flashes 2 8 0 .200 5
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