Miccosukee Daily Raider (Miccosukee, FL) – The Miccosukee Nimrods rallied to defeat the North Florida Seersuckers 101-92 in the First Round of the NFFL Playoffs. This marks the second straight season the ‘Seers have suffered a first round playoff loss at the hands of the 6th seeded team. Following a private team dinner at Honey Lake Plantation ‘Seers owner Mike “Buffalo Trace” Bonfanti addressed the media. “I’m not going to say I’m happy about losing, but my cabinet is stocked with bourbon, the air has a chill to it at night, and the front porch is calling my name. Best of luck to Nimrods and we’ll be back in 2012 better than ever!”
Joe “Pierogi” Zollner was estatic following the victory of the Seersuckers. “We own North Florida. We beat them during the regular season and we did it again. 2-0 baby! Suck it ‘Seers! Suck it!” The victory sets up a meeting with the Southwood Dolphins. The Nimrods and Dolphins split the season series with one win a piece although the Miccosukee front office is putting little stock in their earlier defeat. “History is for dusty old books and losers. The Dolphins are going to get gaffed like a bluefin tuna.” said Nimrods’ Director of Player Personnel Bennett “Tebow” Zollner.
In the other first round game the Monticello Cornish Hens’ reign as NFFL Champions came to an end following a 131-108 loss to the surging Golden Eagles. As the final seconds ticked off the clock Hens’ owner Tyler “Double Move” McNeill was seen holding the NFFL Cup to his chest defiantly raising his fist into the air. “I love the Cup. It means so much to me. To have our season end this way is crushing. What will fill the void left by its departure in my office? Right now, I’m thinking of what Sarah said, that love is watching someone die.”
The Golden Eagles’ locker room was in a much less introspective mood as champagne cascaded from the ceiling. Several immigrant workers (illegally employed by the Eagles organization) manned confetti guns as Nicki Minaj kicked off the celebration singing Super Eagles. “This is how we do it. We build our organization on the backs of the poor and live it up when we can! Who wants more caviar?” asked Tom “This Is Our Year” Criss as he handed out bonus checks to his players. The hot handed Eagles will now face the Mootown Marauders, a team they lost to twice during the regular season.
Energy Blaster 3000 NFFL PLAYOFF SCHEDULE
#6 Miccosukee Nimrods vs. #2 Southwood Dolphins
#4 Golden Eagles vs. #1 Mootown Marauders