NFFL.com (Monticello, FL) – On a stage before tens of housewives, and several local law enforcement officials, the NFFL proudly announced Slap Chop and Five Guys Burgers and Fries had become proud sponsors of the NFFL. Slap Chop will sponsor the Weekly Scoreboard, while Five Guys will attach their name to the Weekly NFFL Standings.
Although some have raised concerns about the controversial Slap Chop being associated with the NFFL, Commissioner Bonfanti addressed these concerns directly. “Vince Offer and the Slap Chop are just the kind of people we want involved in the NFFL. Sure a hooker tried to bite his tongue off, but have you seen how the Slap Chop slices a mango? Incredible.” Mr. Offer spoke with NFFL.com following a demonstration of the Slap Chop. Offer of Sham-Wow fame was excited to be part of the NFFL and noted “Watch this, you’re gonna love my nuts.” As he sliced and diced a handful of almonds.
Five Guys refused to confirm a partnership with the NFFL and noted they had never even heard of the organization. A representative for the heart attack peddlers stated “Five Guys Burgers and Fries is a proud brand, and we will not endorse a fly-by-night association like NFFL.” Commissioner Bonfanti said they would still attach the Five Guys name to their standings and looked forward to a cease and desist letter. “What are they going to do? Sue me? The NFFL is judgment proof,” said Bonfanti as he polished off a bag of fries made of potatoes from Wada Farms of Idaho Falls, Idaho.