Southwood Tattler (Tallahassee, FL) – Led by the keen offensive mind of Troy “West Coast Rubin” the Southwood Dolphins eeked out an 85-83 win over the struggling Monticello Cornish Hens. “Winning this game was important, mainly because it was a 1:00 p.m. kick and we got ice cream before bed,” said Dolphins GM Michael Rubin. For the Cornish Hens, owner Tyler “Trouty Mouth” McNeill said he was not worried about the 0-2 start and would focus on his team once the baseball season was over.
The Tortfeasors improved their record to 2-0 with an 89-83 win over the Lamont All Stars. “Playing the All Stars was an OSHA compliance nightmare. I’m amazed our players escaped without losing several limbs. They will of course be hearing from me,” said Mike “411” Haire. For Lamont the All Stars now find themselves winless on the season. “This is going to take a bi-partisan effort to get into the win column. I think that will happen next weeks once we implement my ‘No Team Left Behind’ plan for the NFFL,” said Kirk “Press the Flesh” Reams.
In the late game the Golden Eagles dismantled the North Florida Seersuckers 118-63. The Eagles were led by Cam Newton who had the best game of his young career. “Coach Bowden drew up a game plan that showcased my strengths, including my ability to leap buildings in a single bound,” Newton said as he addressed the press. “Dadgumit, we just got outplayed today. Those boys were just faster and put more points on the board,” said ‘Seers owner Mike “Single Barrel” Bonfanti whose team will look to rebound against the Marauders.
SLAP CHOP NFFL Scoreboard
FIVE GUYS NFFL Standings
|Slippery Rock Tortfeasors||2||0||0||1.000||—|
|North Florida Seersuckers||1||1||0||.500||1|
|New Canaan Chrebets||1||0||1||.750||—|
|Lamont All Stars||0||1||1||.250||1.0|
|Monticello Cornish Hens||0||2||0||.000||1.5|