Lamont Independent (Lamont, FL) As the final seconds ticked off the clock the Hilliard Flashes missed a game tying field goal to preserve a 119-116 victory for the All Stars. “We really slung it around out there. I’ll tell you, Hilliard is a good ball club, but today they weren’t as good as us. Scoreboard,” said All Stars head ball coach Steve “Heisman” Spurrier as he gave the press corp double guns and walked into the locker room. The loss left the Flashes searching for answers. “Usually when you put up 116 points you win. I’ll be having words with the Commissioner tonight,” said Flashes owners Becky “Top of the Pyramid” Bonfanti.
The Cornish Hens notched their first win of the season as they blew the Golden Eagles out 113-57. The Eagles could never get their high powered offense going and it was clear from the onset it would be a long day for the blue and gold. “Beating Tom Criss is what we do. Do you remember what happened in the 2010 NFFL Cup? I do. Scoreboard,” said a less than conciliatory Cornish Hens GM Morgan “Flea Flicker” McNeill.
NFFL newcomers, the New Canaan Chrebets improved to 2-0-1 with an 80-59 win over the sluggish Southwood Dolphins. Bill “Rex Ryan” Kristoph addressed the media following his teams’ victory and vowed to win the NFFL Cup. “Yous know we are here to win the whole enchilada. Second place ain’t an option for the Chrebets. We’re gonna show these here Suthnahs how real smash mouth football is played.” The Chrebets will take their undefeated record and tough talking on the road against the Cornish Hens in Week 4.
SLAP CHOP NFFL Scoreboard
FIVE GUYS NFFL Standings
|Slippery Rock Tortfeasors||3||0||0||1.000||—|
|North Florida Seersuckers||2||1||0||.667||1|
|New Canaan Chrebets||2||0||1||.833||—|
|Lamont All Stars||1||1||1||.500||1|
|Monticello Cornish Hens||1||2||0||.333||1.5|