Eagles Milk Mootown for Easy Win

The Mining Journal (Ishpeming, MI) – Led by the strong play of Michael Turner the Golden Eagles upended the Mootown Marauders 124-101.  The win improves the Eagles to 2-2 on the season. “We’re at .500 and things are looking up! I really feel like next week is going to be huge for us,” said a confident and bratwurst filled Tom “Victory Taste Sweet” Criss.  For the Marauders they find themselves at the bottom of the SEC-like Lombardi Division with a 1-3 record. “I’ve said it in the past, and I’ll say it again. All I need is a mani, pedi, and some new shoes! Geoff will solve the whole football thing,” said Mootown owner Kirsten “Ivory Tower” Matthis.

The New Canaan Chrebets tasted bitter defeat at the hands of the Monticello Cornish Hens as they lost their first NFFL game 111-84. “Seriously, what is it with this guy? He hands me my lunch in the PBL Final, and then he boat races me in the NFFL?” said a bewildered Bill “White Castle” Kristoph.  As is custom, following the Hens’ win the crowd engaged in the “Drunken Hen Waltz” led by owner Tyler “Flocka” McNeill and his GM Morgan “No Mercy” McNeill. “The Drunken Hen Waltz is something only we have, and dancing it in front of Kristoph made it sweeter. Scoreboard sweetheart! Hens 2, Billy Boy 0,” McNeill exclaimed while wearing a “Kiss My PBL Cup” t-shirt.

The Miccosukee Nimrods rolled over the struggling Hilliard Flashes 147-76 before a sold old TD Ameritrade Dome.  The Flashes could not sustain a drive for much of the afternoon.  “Our defense, kicker, and quarterback all suck, bless their hearts,” said Hilliard owner Becky “Blue Tick” Bonfanti.  The Nimrods improved their record to 2-2 and now occupy second in the Lombardi Division. “Fuck yeah I knew our team could compete! We were made to taste victory. Beer me now! Now!” yelled an excited Joe “Pierogi” Zollner as he shotgunned brews with his offensive line.

SLAP CHOP NFFL Scoreboard

All Stars 90
Dolphins 117

Tortfeasors 122
Seersuckers 114

FIVE GUYS NFFL Standings

LOMBARDI DIVISION
TEAM W L T PCT GB
Slippery Rock Tortfeasors 4 0 0 1.000
Miccosukee Nimrods 2 2 0 .500 2
Golden Eagles 2 2 0 .500 2
North Florida Seersuckers 2 2 0 .500 2
Mootown Marauders 1 3 0 .250 3
TAGLIABUE DIVISION
TEAM W L T PCT GB
New Canaan Chrebets 2 1 1 .625
Monticello Cornish Hens 2 2 0 .500 0.5
Southwood Dolphins 2 2 0 .500 0.5
Lamont All Stars 1 2 1 .375 1
Hilliard Flashes 1 3 0 .250 1.5
Advertisements

One response to “Eagles Milk Mootown for Easy Win

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s