The Mining Journal (Ishpeming, MI) – Led by the strong play of Michael Turner the Golden Eagles upended the Mootown Marauders 124-101. The win improves the Eagles to 2-2 on the season. “We’re at .500 and things are looking up! I really feel like next week is going to be huge for us,” said a confident and bratwurst filled Tom “Victory Taste Sweet” Criss. For the Marauders they find themselves at the bottom of the SEC-like Lombardi Division with a 1-3 record. “I’ve said it in the past, and I’ll say it again. All I need is a mani, pedi, and some new shoes! Geoff will solve the whole football thing,” said Mootown owner Kirsten “Ivory Tower” Matthis.
The New Canaan Chrebets tasted bitter defeat at the hands of the Monticello Cornish Hens as they lost their first NFFL game 111-84. “Seriously, what is it with this guy? He hands me my lunch in the PBL Final, and then he boat races me in the NFFL?” said a bewildered Bill “White Castle” Kristoph. As is custom, following the Hens’ win the crowd engaged in the “Drunken Hen Waltz” led by owner Tyler “Flocka” McNeill and his GM Morgan “No Mercy” McNeill. “The Drunken Hen Waltz is something only we have, and dancing it in front of Kristoph made it sweeter. Scoreboard sweetheart! Hens 2, Billy Boy 0,” McNeill exclaimed while wearing a “Kiss My PBL Cup” t-shirt.
The Miccosukee Nimrods rolled over the struggling Hilliard Flashes 147-76 before a sold old TD Ameritrade Dome. The Flashes could not sustain a drive for much of the afternoon. “Our defense, kicker, and quarterback all suck, bless their hearts,” said Hilliard owner Becky “Blue Tick” Bonfanti. The Nimrods improved their record to 2-2 and now occupy second in the Lombardi Division. “Fuck yeah I knew our team could compete! We were made to taste victory. Beer me now! Now!” yelled an excited Joe “Pierogi” Zollner as he shotgunned brews with his offensive line.
SLAP CHOP NFFL Scoreboard
All Stars 90
FIVE GUYS NFFL Standings
|Slippery Rock Tortfeasors||4||0||0||1.000||—|
|North Florida Seersuckers||2||2||0||.500||2|
|New Canaan Chrebets||2||1||1||.625||—|
|Monticello Cornish Hens||2||2||0||.500||0.5|
|Lamont All Stars||1||2||1||.375||1|