Perfect Season Over as Tortfeasors Fall to Chrebets

Tortfeasors players react to their perfect season being upended

Rocktown Tribune (Slippery Rock, PA) – The Slippery Rock Tortfeasors’ quest for a perfect season came to a crashing halt as they fell to the New Canaan Chrebets 90-89. The one point loss is sure to haunt Slippery Rock as they go forward in their quest for a third NFFL Cup. “I promise you one thing. A lot of good will come out of this. You will never see any owner in the entire country own as hard as I will own the rest of the season” said a tear Mike “Tebow” Haire following the loss. For the Chrebets the win was expected. “These NFFL guys have no idea who theys are messin’ wit. This is anuther scalp for my wall,” said a glowing William “Tatanka” Kristoph.

The Mootown Marauders earned their second victory of the season as they defeated the Monticello Cornish Hens 100-66. The Marauders are still mired in the basement of the Lombardi Division but have hope as they are a mere game behind the Nimrods and Golden Eagles. “I was worried we wouldn’t win a lot of games, but Geoff has really stepped his game up. I’m proud of him. That’s a good Geoff!” Marauders’ owner Kirsten “Sit Ubu” Matthis stated as she rubbed her GM’s head.  The Marauders will look to earn another victory next week against Lamont.

In the annual “Civil War” the North Florida Seersuckers trounced the Hilliard Flashes 102-56.  The win pushes the ‘Seers into second place with a 4-3 record.  “The win comes with a costs. I fully expect to be sleeping on the couch for the next few weeks” said a mournful Mike “Four Roses” Bonfanti.  The Flashes have seen their season spiral down and owner Becky “Magnolia” Bonfanti put the blame squarely on her husband. “I didn’t attend the draft because of a birthday party. There is no way I would have taken Big Ben. Mike will pay.”

SLAP CHOP NFFL Scoreboard

All Stars 84
Nimrods 128

Dolphins 67
Golden Eagles 100

FIVE GUYS NFFL Standings

LOMBARDI DIVISION
TEAM W L T PCT GB
Slippery Rock Tortfeasors 6 1 0 .857
North Florida Seersuckers 4 3 0 .571 2
Miccosukee Nimrods 3 4 0 .428 3
Golden Eagles 3 4 0 .428 3
Mootown Marauders 2 5 0 .285 4
TAGLIABUE DIVISION
TEAM W L T PCT GB
New Canaan Chrebets 5 1 1 .785
Lamont All Stars 3 3 1 .500 2
Southwood Dolphins 3 4 0 .428 2.5
Monticello Cornish Hens 3 4 0 .428 2.5
Hilliard Flashes 2 5 0 .285 3.5

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2 responses to “Perfect Season Over as Tortfeasors Fall to Chrebets

  1. I love how my accent gets thicker each week. lol.

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