Monticello New (Monticello, FL) – The Monticello Cornish Hens reinvigorated by a new offensive scheme drawn up by Morgan McNeill pummeled the mercurial North Florida Seersuckers 121-84. The win evens the Hens’ record at 4-4 and within striking distance of the Tagliabue Division lead. “Losers. That’s how I’d desribe the Seersuckers today. That and five bucks will get them a gizzard box at Chicken Delite,” said Tyler “No Mercy” McNeill. The Seersuckers who cannot seem to string together a pair of wins were solemn as they boarded the team bus. “We’ll have a couple bourbons, and see if we can right this ship,” said ‘Seers offensive coordinator Harland Sanders.
The Golden Eagles dealt the New Canaan Chrebets their second loss of the season as they squeaked out an 88-87 win. “This was a big win for us. It puts us in second place and sets us up for a big run in the second half of the season,” said Eagles’ GM Donna “The Knife” Criss. New Caanan lost ground and now leads the All Stars by a mere one and a half games. The two will square off next week in a huge Tagliabue Division battle. “That Reams kids better be able to take a punch, ‘cuz were gonna crack ‘im in the teeth,” said William “East Hartford” Kristoph.
Meanwhile, as the Chrebets went down in flames the Lamont All Stars defeated the Mootown Marauders 97-91. Mootown is now four games under .500 and struggling to get their season on track. “We’re a bad team. But people are still paying to see us, so that means I have money for shoes and spa treatments!” said Kirsten “Stiletto” Matthis. The All Stars players began chanting “Down with Kristoph” when the Chrebets’ owner’s interview was made public. “I tend to be diplomatic in these matters as I like to win elections, but Kristoph ain’t nothing but a loud mouthed Yankee,” said Kirk “Landslide” Reams as his team celebrated the win.
SLAP CHOP NFFL Scoreboard
FIVE GUYS NFFL Standings
|Slippery Rock Tortfeasors||7||1||0||.875||—|
|North Florida Seersuckers||4||4||0||.500||3|
|TEAM||W||L||T||PCT||GB||New Canaan Chrebets||5||2||1||.688||—|
|Lamont All Stars||4||3||1||.563||1|
|Monticello Cornish Hens||4||4||0||.500||1.5|
|Southwood Dolphins||4||4||0||.500||2.5||Hilliard Flashes||2||6||0||.250||3.5|