Golden Eagle Register (Silver Springs, FL) – The Golden Eagles defeated their long time Lombardi Division rival, the North Florida Seersuckers, 97-69. The win moves the Eagles to 5-6 on the season and puts them in position to challenge for one of the four remaining playoff spots. “A loss to the Seers would have been terrible, but thankfully they sucked this week!” guffawed Tom “Venture Capitalist” Criss as he drank the tears of Hostess employees who were recently laid off from their job. The Seersuckers are fearful of another late season flop. “Our history is to become a hot mess in the last few weeks of the season. We don’t have much margin for error, and if we’re not careful, could miss the playoffs,” said Mike “Vicksburg” Bonfanti.
The New Canaan Chrebets continued their charge to the Tagliabue Division crown, and a possible number one overall seed in the NFFL Playoffs, by waxing the stumbling Southwood Dolphins 95-79. “I haven’t been paying much attention to the Dolphins, since theys ah way down the standins. All I know, if that they probably shoulda saved demselves the bruises, and stayed home,” said Chrebets GM T-Dub Kristoph. The Dolphins will attempt to get back in the win column next week against the Lamont All Stars. Reports from Dolphins’ offensive coordinator, Zoe “Rainbow Offense” Rubin, are that the Wing-T could be employed. “We need a win. If it takes employing an offense from the 1940s I’ll do it,” she said as she polished off a McDonald’s Happy Meal.
The Monticello Cornish Hens set up a huge game next week against the Chrebets by rolling over the Slippery Rock Tortfeasors 96-64. “We are 1 1/2 game behind the Chrebets. A win next week would set up an exciting last week of the season. I’m coming for you Billy boy,” said a confident Tyler “PBL Scoreboard” McNeill as he exited the stadium. The Tortfeasors who earlier this season looked unstoppable have now lost two in a row. “Something ain’t right in Tortfeasorville,” said long time hot dog vendor Larry “Double Bun” Sanders as he swept the empty stadium.
SLAP CHOP NFFL Scoreboard
All Stars 85
FIVE GUYS NFFL Standings
|# Slippery Rock Tortfeasors||9||2||0||.818||—|
|North Florida Seersuckers||5||6||0||.455||4|
|TEAM||W||L||T||PCT||GB||* New Canaan Chrebets||8||2||1||.773||—|
|Monticello Cornish Hens||7||4||1||..636||1.5|
|Lamont All Stars||5||5||1||.500||3|
|Southwood Dolphins||5||6||0||.455||3.5||Hilliard Flashes||3||8||0||.273||5.5|
# – Division Champion and first round bye
* – Qualified for the 2012 NFFL Playoffs
x – Eliminated from the 2012 NFFL Playoffs