New York Daily News (New York, NY) – The New Canaan Chrebets captured the Tagliabue Division crown with a 117-112 win over the Monticello Cornish Hens. The win coupled with another Tortfeasors’ loss moved the Chrebets into the first seed for the upcoming NFFL Playoff. Following the traditional New Canaan Dance, owner William “Lead Pipe” Kristoph, addressed the media. “I’m wicked happy to win da division crown in our furst season in the NFFL. I’d like to thank the Teamsters Local 894, the Fraternal Order of Police, and Mickey the Greek for making sure everything went smooth like this season. I’d also like to tell that Bonfanti kid, New Canaan has three a’s for when its time to engrave my trophy.” The Monticello Cornish Hens were saddened by the loss, but vowed to fight on. “We view the Chrebets as the Evil Empire. It’s time to employ an X-wing fighter or two, and smoke that fool in the playoffs,” said a defiant Mae “Medicine Ball” McNeill.
The Slippery Rock Tortfeasors stumbled again as they fell to the Miccosukee Nimrods 81-71. The win keeps the ‘Rods playoff hopes alive as they head into the final week of the season. “We better get into the playoff. I’m so tired of the NFFL’s policy of racism against Polish people. It’s not your time, it’s our time!” said Joey “Pierogi” Zollner. Nimrods GM Bennett “Boy Wonder” Zollner distanced himself from his father’s comments and noted “We aren’t even Polish.” The Tortfeasors refused to comment following the loss, and retreated to the locker room for a player only meeting. Details later leaked out they were actually comparing Cyber Monday deals instead of focusing on saving their once promising season. “You paid $599.00 for a 50″ flat screen? You crazy,” said an unnamed source, Peyton Manning, who attended the meeting.
With one week left in the NFFL season, the playoff picture is muddled. The Chrebets, Tortfeasors, Hens and All Stars have all qualified. Both the Chrebets and Tortfeasors have earned first round byes as division champs. If the Chrebets win next week they will lock up the number one seed. A loss, will open the door for the Totfeasors to grab the top spot. Five other teams are vying for the last two playoff spots. The Golden Eagles control their own destiny and can advance with a win. The path for the Seersuckers, Nimrods, Dolphins, and Marauders for the final spot is less clear and each team will need some help to advance to the playoffs.
SLAP CHOP NFFL Scoreboard
Golden Eagles 132
All Stars 113
FIVE GUYS NFFL Standings
|# Slippery Rock Tortfeasors||9||3||0||.750||—|
|North Florida Seersuckers||5||7||0||.417||4|
|TEAM||W||L||T||PCT||GB||# New Canaan Chrebets||9||2||1||.792||—|
|* Monticello Cornish Hens||7||5||1||.583||2.5|
|* Lamont All Stars||6||5||1||.542||3|
|Southwood Dolphins||5||7||0||.417||4.5||x Hilliard Flashes||3||9||0||.273||6.5|
# – Division Champion and first round bye
* – Qualified for the 2012 NFFL Playoffs
x – Eliminated from the 2012 NFFL Playoffs