Lamont Evening Post (Lamont, FL) – The Lamont All Stars fell to the Golden Eagles 126-60 in the first round of the NFFL Playoffs. The All Stars were unaware they were in the playoffs until sometime in the second half. “I’m not sure what happened. There are obviously communication issues in our organization. I blame the Electoral College for the loss,” said a defiant Kirk “Butterfly Ballot” Reams following the embarrassing defeat. The Golden Eagles move on to the NFFL Semi-Finals for the second straight year, and will face the top seeded New Canaan Chrebets. “We’re looking forward to the challenge. I’m not sure what will happen, but I guarantee you the game will not end in a tie,” said Eagles’ OC Jeff “Rainbow” Bowden.
In the second opening round playoff game the Monticello Cornish Hens defeated the North Florida Seersuckers 141-94. This marks the third straight season the ‘Seers have lost in the first week of the playoffs. “Fantasy football is a cruel mistress, and we are nothing if not consistent,” said an introspective Mike “Four Roses” Bonfanti as he sipped his favorite libation neat. For the Hens, their sights are on toppling the struggling Tortfeasors and reclaiming the NFFL Cup. Hens’ owner Tyler “Bare Knuckles” McNeill commented on the victory before hitting the team hot tub. “Beating the ‘Seers was great, but I basically own him. Like a monkey. Who I dress up. The Tortfeasors are a different story, but I am confident they will drink from the River of Suck, and get rolled by my Hens!”
SLAP CHOP NFFL PLAYOFF SCHEDULE
#2 Slippery Rock Tortfeasors vs. #3 Monticello Cornish Hens
#1 New Canaan Chrebets vs. #4 Golden Eagles