New Canaan Chrebets Claim NFFL Title

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Tallahassee Democrat (Tallahassee, Florida) – The New Canaan Chrebets  won NFFL Cup VII as they defeated the Slippery Rock Tortfeasors 122-99 before a sold out Maxwell House Half-Caf Stadium.  The victory comes in the franchise’s first year of existence and in large part goes to the exquisite general managing of T-Dub “Warm Milk” Kristoph. “What can I say? The kid is amazing. He played the waiver wire perfectly. He knew who to start and who to bench. I really can’t say enough good things about him,” said Bill “Proud Papa” Kristoph.  

Kristoph continued “We’d like to thank our many fans. Our inaugural season was dream. We’re thrilled that we won the NFFL Championship and we’re excited to defend it next year. We hope Commissioner Bonfanti enjoys his vacation in the Cayman Islands. We also hope that the rest of the league has a great off season. We had a lot of fun. Of course, winning is always fun. We hope to continue this new tradition of fun next season. See you at the draft!”

For the Tortfeasors the defeat stung as the franchise was intent on returning to the top of the NFFL pyramid.  “Losing is unacceptable. I’m not going to give you some canned answer about how it was great to be here. We wanted to win!” wailed Tag “All By Myself” Romney, the Tortfeasors equipment manager.  Mike “Il Duce” Haire declined to be interviewed and noted his actions in the coming weeks and months would speak louder than any statement written on flimsy combustible paper.

The NFFL Cup will be retrieved in the coming week and taken to Tim “Magic Man” Yoho for engraving before being delivered to the New Canaan Chrebets’ team office.

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