Nassau County Record (Fernandina Beach, FL) – The Hilliard Flashes cruised to an easy 91-71 victory over the New Canaan Chrebets. During the week leading up to the game ample bulletin board material was provided by the Chrebets’ GM T-Dub “No Crust” Kristoph in his weekly presser when he stated “That team (The Flashes) is run by a gurl and is freakin terrible.” When asked if he wanted to retract his statement he refused to make any further comments, bawled uncontrollable, and shuffled out of the room with a wet diaper. A jubilant Hillard Flashes celebrated late into the night led by Bellini fueled cheers of Flashes GM Tanya “I’m Actually in Kansas” Miller. The Chrebets will look for the season’s first win next week as they head to Southwood for a date with the Dolphins.
The Slippery Rock Tortfeasors improved to 2-0 as they dispatched the Lamont All Stars 116-70. The Tortfeasors were led by QB Aaron Rodgers who had a huge game as all afternoon he took advantage of defensive miscues of the All Stars. “He had time in the pocket, was able to make his reads, and disrupted enemy supply lines. Il Duce will be pleaded,” said Slippery Rock head coach Pam “Velvet Glove” Bondi. The All Stars’ quickly tried to put the loss behind them. “Loss? What loss? We’re focused on the Flashes and not ancient history,” said Stars owner Kirk “Butterfly Ballot” Reams.
The Mootown Marauders rebounded as they notched the first win of the season over the struggling Miccosukee Nimrods in a 122-92 victory. “OMG! Winning is so much better than losing. It really is. You should try it sometime!” shouted Kirsten “Stiletto” Matthis as the Nimrods boarded the team bus. Rumblings from inside the Nimrods organization indicate the mercurial owner, Joe “Pirogi” Zollner is unhappy with the team’s playcalling. “Kaepernick is a quarterback. Let him do quarterback things, like win games, drink scotch, and chase tail. If we do that, we will be fine,” said ‘Rods GM Bennett “Master of the Clarinet” Zollner.
FOUR LOKO NFFL SCOREBOARD
Cornish Hens 69
BOJANGLES NFFL STANDINGS
|Slippery Rock Tortfeasors||2||0||0||1.000||—|
|North Florida Seersuckers||2||0||0||1.000||—|
|Lamont All Stars||1||1||0||.500||—|
|Monticello Cornish Hens||1||1||0||.500||—|
|New Canaan Chrebets||0||2||0||.000||1|