The Inquisitor (Dar es Salaam, Tanzinia) – The Slippery Rock Tortfeasors found a winning recipe as they toppled the New Canaan Chrebets 78-48. “Winning is a contagion. Much in the way the plague was passed from one medieval peasant to the next, once you are bitten your fate is sealed!” said an introspective and slightly creepy Tortfeasor’s owner Mike “Saladin” Haire from his teams secret compound on the north coast of Africa. The loss marks the fifth time the Chrebets have tasted defeat. “It ain’t our favrit flavah. Sour milk, dad’s kale nut bread, and defeat ah three things I don’t wanna taste no more,” said Tommy “Stuffed Crust” Kristoph as he took out his aggression on a stuffed bear.
The Golden Eagles continued to put pressure on the front runners in the Lombardi Division with a 111-62 win over the Southwood Dolphins. The Eagles find themselves at 4-3 on the season and a mere one game from the top of the table. “We’re playing smart ball. Peyton is having a heckuva year, the defense looks good, and my beautiful wife Donna is the best GM in the league. We will not be denied a seat at the table!” said Tom “Rock City” Criss. For the Dolphins the loss was their fourth on the season and drop the squad one game under .500. “I don’t know what’s wrong. Nothing is really going right this season. I blame Courtney, err mom,” said ‘Fins’ GM Michael “Reuben” Rubin.
In the upset of the weekend the rudderless Hilliard Flashes topped the North Florida Seersuckers 102-100. “I won? I won. I won! I’m going to buy some new boots. I am also going to hold this over the Commish’s head for at least a year,” said an elated Becky “Chicken Dinner” Bonfanti. A spokeswoman for the Seersuckers blamed the loss on a “sad sack of a defense, an inability to run the ball, and the terrible game from their gnomelike receiver.” Mike “Natural Bridge” Bonfanti retreated to the family shed and refused to address the issue of losing to his wife.
FOUR LOKO NFFL SCOREBOARD
All Stars 82
Cornish Hens 94
BOJANGLES NFFL STANDINGS
|North Florida Seersuckers||5||2||0||.714||—|
|Slippery Rock Tortfeasors||4||3||0||.571||1|
|Monticello Cornish Hens||4||3||0||.571||—|
|Lamont All Stars||3||4||0||.429||1|
|New Canaan Chrebets||2||5||0||.286||2|