Dolphins Swim to Victory Over Nimrods


Southwood Tattler (Southwood, Florida) – The Southwood Dolphins swam to a 95-85 victory over the hapless Miccosukee Nimrods in Week 8 of NFFL action. The win improved the ‘Fins record to 4-4, good enough for first place in the Tagliabue Division.  “I made bracelets with princesses on them for all the players. I think it made them feel special,” said ‘Fins trainer Zoe “Bedazzler” Rubin.  ‘Fins owner and Zoe’s daddy, Seth “Sabermetrics” Rubin noted he didn’t care if his team work sparkly tutus as long as they won on Sunday.  The loss did not sit well with Joe “Dumpling” Zollner who demanded accountability and a litre of beer before addressing the media. “Losing? How could we lose? Whatever. I have a gallon of beer.”  Next week the Dolphins will look to get over .500 against the Marauders while the ‘Rods will look to rebound against the Seersuckers.

In the Lombardi Division the Mootown Marauders held onto first place with a 137-50 whooping of the Lamont All Stars.  ‘We’re winning, and when you win everything is delightful,” said Mootown GM Geoff “Winner” Gonzalez.  Things are decidedly undelightful in Lamont where Kirk “Bypass” Reams railed against the archaic NFFL rules. “We needed to add a player on Sunday following an injury but could not due to the window being closed. I’m not waking up at 5:30 a.m. on Tuesday to add the guy.  Open the window Commissioner Bonfanti!” The NFFL League Office indicated it would take Lamont’s complaints under advisement, and then promptly burned the grievance notice.

The Golden Eagles kept the pressure on the Lombardi Division leader as they toppled the New Canaan Chrebets 91-76.  The win has the Eagles within one game of the division lead.  “Our team is spectacular. Peyton is lovely. Deferred compensation is grand. Little Debbie cakes are delicious,” said Tom “Enchanted” Criss as he polished off a box of Oatmeal Creme Pies.  The New Canaan Chrebets, a team that can best be desribed as one wracked by turmoil is now 2-6 and in last place. Bill “Thin Crust” Kristoph addressed the media and noted incentives to keep Chrebets coming to the stadium would be unveiled shortly. “We ain’t winnin, so our fans might as well have some fun.”


Seersuckers 102
Cornish Hens 87

Tortfeasors 87
Flashes 84


Mootown Marauders 6 2 0 .750
North Florida Seersuckers 6 2 0 .750
Golden Eagles 5 3 0 .625 1
Slippery Rock Tortfeasors 5 3 0 .625 1
Miccosukee Nimrods 3 5 0 .375 3
Southwood Dolphins 4 4 0 .500
Monticello Cornish Hens 4 4 0 .500
Lamont All Stars 3 5 0 .375 1
Hilliard Flashes 2 6 0 .250 2
New Canaan Chrebets 2 6 0 .250 2

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