Long Island Sound Bugle (New Canaan, CT) – The field was deserted, empty popcorn and soda containers blew about the grandstands as a solitary figure in a dark green New Canaan sweater vest paced the sideline. The Chrebets sit at 2-8 after falling to the Hilliard Flashes 105-55. Bill “Thin Crust” Kristoph refused to comment about his team’s performance and walked out into the frigid evening alone. “I’m worried about him, ya know? He takes losin hahd. He cahes about da team and the city. He’ll get it right. By God my dad’ll get it right,” said New Canaan GM T-Dub “Thinner Crust” Kristoph from his personal box. The win places the Flashes within striking distance of the playoffs. “That’s two straight wins! Bellinis for everyone!” shouted Hilliard OC Julia “Nails” Bonfanti.
In a Tagliabue Division clash between the two top teams the Monticello Cornish Hens were defeated by the Southwood Dolphins 62-54. The loss was the Hens’ fifth straight and dropped them two games behind the surging ‘Fins. “We thought a pregame meal of Chicken Delite would right the ship. Obviously we were wrong as it made us sluggish and thirsty,” said Hens’ Director of Nutrition Molly “Come At Me Bro” McNeill. The Dolphins are now 6-4 and in prime position to win their second division crown. “It’s all about the process. We’ll stick to our process and hopefully find ourselves atop the standing in Week 13,” said a rational Michael “Dr.” Rubin.
The Slippery Rock Tortfeasors may have saved their playoff lives with a 93-77 victory over the Mootown Marauders. The Tortfeasors slid into the fourth playoff seed with the win and are looking to improve their position as the final three weeks of the season approach. “We can win the division. We are one game back. Bonfanti is Italian, and as history has shown those people tend to fold under pressure, eat pastries, and sip espresso,” said a confident Mike “Il Duce” Haire. The Marauders took the loss hard and released a statement noting they had “way more points over the whole season than those dummy heads above them in the standings” and “even though we lost we look fabulous.” The NFFL Fact Checking Office game a thumbs up to the first statement and refused to address the second.
FOUR LOKO NFFL SCOREBOARD
All Stars 87
Golden Eagles 119
BOJANGLES NFFL STANDINGS
|North Florida Seersuckers||7||3||0||.700||—|
|Slippery Rock Tortfeasors||6||4||0||.600||1|
|Lamont All Stars||5||5||0||.500||1|
|Monticello Cornish Hens||4||6||0||.400||2|
|New Canaan Chrebets||2||8||0||.200||4|