Il Duce Reigns as Tortfeasors Advance to Second Round


Toronto Sun (Toronto, ON) – For the fourth consecutive year the North Florida Seersuckers tasted defeat in the First Round of the NFFL Playoffs.  This year’s loss was served up by the Mootown Marauders who eviscerated the ‘Seers in an overwhelming 115-87 win. “The calendar has turned the page onto a new year, but the result is startlingly similar.  Obviously changes are needed, and we will weigh all prudent options in the off season,” remarked a forlorn Mike “Buffalo Trace” Bonfanti as he ruefully sipped a glass of bourbon.  The Marauders were jubilant in victory and celebrated on the ‘Seers’ 50 yard-line. “We won! I’m so excited I could marry Geoff!” said an ecstatic Kirsten “Three Karats” Matthis.

In the second game of the weekend the Slippery Rock Tortfeasors beat the plucky Monticello Cornish Hens 103-88 before a sold out Der Kommissar Field. “The sweetest victory is one where you feel your opponents dying breath escape as you twist the bayonet in his throat,” said Mike “Il Duce” Hair as he stroked his hairless kitten Mr. Snuggles.   The Hens’ locker room resembled a sarcophagus as players packed their equipment and departed for the long off season. “Losing sucks, but honestly baseball season is right around the corner. Time to start fantasizing about Mike Trout!” stated Tyler “Man Crush” McNeill.


#3 Monticello Cornish Hens vs. #2 Southwood Dolphins

#5 Mootown Marauders vs. #1 Golden Eagles


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