2015 NFFL Draft Selection Show

The Ox (Somewhere in Tallahassee, FL) – The 2015 NFFL Draft Order – Presented by Publix, was selected during an exclusive invite only dinner at the Ox. The newly installed Vice President of Draft Procedures, Kirsten “Gazprom” Matthis and Mark “Smoked Meat” Bonfanti conducted the blind draw in the main kitchen of The Ox, Tallahassee’s most secret and exclusive speak easy. “When you think of the NFFL you immediately think or two things, transparency and shady business deals. Today we are focused on transparency and avoiding a police raid,” said Bonfanti as the team name slips were glacially folded and dropped into the official Pulix Pick Bag™. 

The order for the 2015 NFFL Draft is as follows:

1. Southwood Dolphins
2. Mootown Marauders
3. Slippery Rock Tortfeasors
4. Team Miriam
5. Miccosukee Nimrods
6. Golden Eagles
7. Jameistown Colony
8. North Florida Seersuckers
9. Fluffiest Bunnies
10. Auburn Numbers
11. Team Grabowski
12. Canadian Beavers

For the second year in a row Seth “Don’t Run with Scissors” Rubin snagged the first pick.  Curiously, the second overall pick went to Matthis’ own Mootown Marauders.  “I’m not saying that she put her slip of paper in the freezer before dropping it in the bag, I’m just saying she seemed real concerned about making sure her Coke Zero was ice cold, if you know what I mean,” remarked Colony GM Lenny “Aires K” Bonfanti.  The NFFL League Office has vowed to look into any discrepancies at a later date.

Miriam “ERA” Coles, owner of the cleverly named Team Miriam addressed the media following the release of the draft order.  “The NFFL Draft Order reaffirmed the dominance of the oppressive patriarchal society.  Once again women are placed at the back of the line and forced to fight for equality. We will not be kept down by the Penis Mafia!” When a pool reporter noted women had two of the top four picks Coles left the podium and remarked she had to “cook something tasty for dinner” before her baby daddy got home.


2 responses to “2015 NFFL Draft Selection Show

  1. Despite the video evidence, I would like to file a formal grievance concerning the draft order. IT WAS RIGGED!

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