The Ox (Somewhere in Tallahassee, FL) – This past weekend the 2015 NFFL Draft was held before a packed audience at the Ox, Tallahassee’s most exclusive speak-easy. Adoring fans lines the front entry way clamoring for a glimpse of their favorite NFFL owner. “Some people abhor being the center of attention. I drink it like a rich broth full of life sustaining power,” said Mike “Il Duce” Haire as he sashayed into the draft wearing a mink boa and bedazzled bowler hat.
The first pick of the draft went to Seth “Lemon” Rubin who selected Eddie Lacy. “We studied a lot of film. We really like how Eddie penetrates the defense. He keeps his hips square and never stops pounding,” remarked the Dolphins’ Director of Player Personnel Michael “Five-Thirty-Eight” Rubin.
The 15 rounds of the draft proceeded without incident until Tom “8 Mile” Criss lobbed allegations of shenanigans against Joey “Pierogi” Zollner centering on little known Cardinals’ wideout John Brown. “I covet John Brown like a fine bottle of malt liquor, and what does Joe do? He carelessly plucks him from under my nose!” Zollner was unavailable for comment and issued a statement telling the Golden Eagles to “stop whining, man up, and get ready for a pounding in 2015 courtesy of the Mighty Nimrods.”
The 10th NFFL Season will kick off on Thursday, September 10th.