Little Lebowski Gutted by Loss to Mootown

urban-achievers

Los Angles Times (Los Angeles, CA) – The Little Lebowski Urban Achievers had their dreams of victory dashed upon the rocks of reality as they fell to the Mootown Marauders by a score of 111-76.  It appeared an upset was in the works until Aaron Rodgers cruelly dropped 44 points on a hapless Chiefs’ secondary. Achievers’ owner Luke “The Dude” Grabowski was defiant in defeat. “This will not stand, ya know, this aggression will not stand, man,” he stated as he rifled through a dumpster looking for one of Tom Criss’ discarded draft guides. Mootown Marauders’ owner Kirsten “Gazprom” Matthis-Bonfanti issued a statement noting that “hope was a dangerous thing when possessed by the masses” and she “hoped the fate of the Achievers, a team destined for last place, would serve as a harsh lesson to all who attempted to better themselves.”

The ascension of the Jameistown Colony continued as the elusive first win of the season was secured 111-76 over the struggling Slippery Rock Tortfeasors.  “”If we gon’ do it den, we gon’ do it big den!” chanted the crowd at a sold out Tito’s Vodka Field as the final seconds expired.  The Colony is now 1-1-1 and tied for first in the Gunsel Division.  The Tortfeasors will look to notch their first win of the season in Week 4 as they face their partner in futility, the 0-3 Achievers.

In the week’s closet game, the Coles Miners slipped past the Canadian Beavers 93-85. The win allowed the Miners to keep pace with Marauders for a share of second place in the Lombardi Division. “I was afraid we were going to lose. Our team was playing like a bunch of whiny men, but they dug down, channeled their inner goddess, and were able to subvert the societal norm,” said Miners’ owner Miriam “Steinem” Coles as she dashed home to cook her husband-adjacent man a hot meal. For the Beavers the loss puts them 1.5 games behind the ‘Seers. “It’s still early and I’m Canadian,” noted Sara “Caribou” Hart as she sipped a smooth Canadian whisky.

FOUR LOKO NFFL SCOREBOARD

Seersuckers 108
Nimrods 85

Bunnies 102
Eagles 87

Dolphins 132
Numbers 59

TARGET NFFL STANDINGS

LOMBARDI DIVISION
TEAM W L T PCT GB
Fluffiest Bunnies 2 0 1 .833
Mootown Marauders 2 1 0 .677 0.5
Coles Miners 2 1 0 .677 0.5
Slippery Rock Tortfeasors 0 3 0 .000 2.5
TAGLIABUE DIVISION
TEAM W L T PCT GB
North Florida Seersuckers 3 0 0 1.000
Auburn Numbers 2 1 0 .677 1 . 0
Canadian Beavers 1 1 0 .500 1.5
Golden Eagles 1 2 0 .500 2
GUNSEL DIVISION
TEAM W L T PCT GB
Southwood Dolphins 1 1 1 .500
Jameistown Colony 1 1 1 .250
Miccosukee Nimrods 1 2 0 .333 0.5
Little Lebowski Urban Achievers 0 3 0 .000 1.5
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One response to “Little Lebowski Gutted by Loss to Mootown

  1. Eagles cry FOUL!!!
    Tallahassee Democrap (Tallahassee, Florida) – The Golden Eagles Owner/General Manager/Head Coach provided fuel to the brewing fire in the NFFL, by providing vociferous quotes in response to the recent article promulgated on September 22, 2015, by the biased NFFL Commish. The Eaglers owner replied to the outrageous comments made by the Commish of the NFFL. He pointed out that the Commish was not only biased in his coverage of the League given the conjugally-related Mootown Cows, but also was prejudiced in his deference to the Seersuckers. “THIS LEAGUE HAS MORE NEPOTISM THAN THE CONROY SIMBERG FIRM!” shouted Tom Criss, in his post-game comments broadcast on the NFL channel.

    Tom Criss, beloved Owner/General Manager/Head Coach of the Golden Eagles, was quoted as saying that the Golden Eagles would survive and exceed the progress of all of these “Johnny Come Latleys” that have pervaded the NFFL as of late. “As usual, the Eagles will go from last to first and take the coveted trophy in 2015!”

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