N. Fla. Traps Beavers for Win

Seersuckers Twain

Tallahassee Democrat (Tallahassee, FL) – The N. Fla. Seersuckers with a nail biting 98-96 victory over the Canadian Beavers completed the first half of the 2015 NFFL Season undefeated.  “We only played 8 guys, and it should be noted we sat our QB after Sunday night’s games. But it goes down as a two point drama filled victory and that sells tickets. And my book,” said Seersuckers’ VP of Player Personnel Bernie “Not a Billionaire” Sanders.  The loss stung for the Beavers as they had been completely focused on defeating the now 7-0 ‘Seers. “My plan was to take out each member of the Bonfanti family, one at a time. After this setback, I might need to start at a lower tier. Does Mason have a team?” said a forlorn Sara “Great White North” Hart as she nursed an expertly crafted Caesar.

The Mootown Marauders continued their push for divisional dominance by dropping the Coles Miners 85-63. The win gives the Marauders a slim 1/2 game lead heading into the second half of the season.  “What good is a 5-2 record with seven games to play? Little. We have won nothing yet, and must continue to crush those who favor true representative governments in Eastern Ukraine,” said Gazprom and Mootown Director Viktor Zubkov.  The third loss of the season dampened the Miners’ locker room and led to Miriam “♀” Coles instituting a ‘No Man’ policy. “Effective immediately all men have been replaced by women, hear us roar!” bellowed Coles as she frantically seared the waiver wire for a female running back.

The Gunsel Division continues to be a tight race as the Southern Dolphins hold first place based upon the Points For tie-breaker. “We can only beat the teams on the schedule, and a 91-78 win over the Achievers puts us at four on the season,” said ‘Fins Assistant Coach, Michael “Dot the i” Rubin. The Colony continue to keep pace and have vowed to take the fight to the last game of the season. “Sure we lost to the Dolphins last week, but we get them again in Week 9. Plus, our logo game is strong. S-T-R-O-N-G!” said Colony GM Lenny “Free TP” Bonfanti.

FOUR LOKO NFFL SCOREBOARD

Tortfeasors 53
Bunnies 106

Eagles 85
Numbers 77

Nimrods 64
Colony 106

TARGET NFFL STANDINGS

LOMBARDI DIVISION
TEAM W L T PCT GB
Mootown Marauders 5 2 0 .714
Fluffiest Bunnies 4 2 1 .643 0.5
Coles Miners 4 3 0 .571 1
Slippery Rock Tortfeasors 0 7 0 .000 5
TAGLIABUE DIVISION
TEAM W L T PCT GB
North Florida Seersuckers 7 0 0 1.000
Canadian Beavers 4 2 1 .643 2. 5
Golden Eagles 2 5 0 .286 5
Auburn Number 2 5 0 .286 5
GUNSEL DIVISION
TEAM W L T PCT GB
Southwood Dolphins 4 2 1 .643
Jameistown Colony 4 2 1 .643
Miccosukee Nimrods 3 4 0 .429 1.5
Little Lebowski Urban Achievers 1 6 0 .143 3.5
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