Marauders Sweep Salem

 

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Mootown Examiner (Jefferson County, FL) – The Mootown Marauders thumped the Salem Sweepers 152-98. According to several unnamed sources (and  the general laziness of the league office to fact check) it was the highest regular season point total. The NFFL confirmed Len “Mr. Clean” Bonfanti had lodged a formal complaint against the Mootown Club alleging the Marauders “drafted too well and knows too much about football.” A confident Kirsten “Muskego” Matthis promised there was more beat downs in store for the rest of the NFFL, and declined anabolic horse steroids played any part in her team’s success. “You’re either a Manolo or from Payless. I think we know which is which here,” said Matthis, as she flung her shopping bags over her shoulder and left the stadium while “We Are the Champions” played from her personal sound track.

Keeping up with the Marauders, the Coles Miners improved to 2-0 with a 84-61 victory of the Canadian Beavers. Philip Rivers scored 31 for the Miners while Drew Brees could only muster a measly 16 for the visiting Beavers. “I’m not going to say Lorraine out coached a college professor that would be rude. All I’ll say is scoreboard!” said Miners owner Miriam “Anthracite” Coles. Always gracious in defeat the Beavers issued a statement inviting the Miners to “suck her poutine”

In the final featured game of the weekend the West Washington Chihuahuas edged the Ivernia Avengers 100-93 at Estadio Negra Modelo. The win was the first of the season for the feisty Chis and evened their record to 1-1. “People under estimate our team because we’re made up of a bunch of Gemini vegetarians.” said Chihuahua’s head coach Bruiser Woods. Ivernia made a late comeback but fell short. “Anytime you lose to the mascot of a taco chain it hurts.” said Avs owner Eric “Coke Zero” Luallen.

PBR NFFL SCOREBOARD

Eagles 99
Numbers 80

Dolphins 87
Nimrods 114

Colony 83
Achievers 57

Tortfeasors 89
Bunnies 63

DOLLAR GENERAL NFFL STANDINGS

TEAM W L T PCT GB
Mootown Marauders 2 0 0 1.000
Slippery Rock Tortfeasors 2 0 0 1.000
Coles Miners 2 0 0 1.000
Golden Eagles 2 0 0 1.000
Miccosukee Nimrods 1 1 0 .500
Ivernia Avengers 1 1 0  .500
West Washington Chihuahuas 1 1 0  .500
Auburn Numbers 1 1 0 .500 1
Canadian Beavers 1 1 0 .500 1
Jameistown Colony 1 1 0 .500 1
Salem Sweepers 0 2 0 .000 2
Fluffiest Bunnies 0 2 0 .000 2
Little Lebowski Urban Achievers 0 2 0 .000 2
Southwood Dolphins 0 2 0 .000 2

 

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