Miners Shaft Tortfeasors

Coal Miners

Black Lung Caller (Cole Town, WV) – The match-up between the two top ranked teams saw Coles Miners maintain their undefeated record as they topped the Tortfeasors 81-74. Adding insult to injury, the Miners played only eight players instead of the customary nine. “Miners take risk everyday when they head down the shaft into the darkness. Suiting up one less player against the over-hyped Slippery Rock squad was a calculated risk that paid off,” said Coles GM Betty Friedan. The now formerly undefeated Tortfeasors limped off the field ruminating over what could have been. “It’s a lost opportunity for glory, spoils, and delicious baked goods,” remarked Mike “Il Duce” Haire as he consoled his men over their fallen comrades.

Meanwhile, in the much anticipated Famous Flying Bonfanti Brothers Derby the West Washington Chihuahuas defeated the Jameistown Colony 97-79 to retain the Golden Cannoli. The contest was marred by fan violence as ultras from both teams, led by the Los Chimichangos and Crab Leg Brigade, clashed in the stands. “Going into the game we wanted to grab a win before Brady is released from federal custody, and we did just that. We also just learned that Francis P. Wanamaker, the leader of our ultras, is in police custody for questioning. Free Francis now!” said Mike “Burrito” Bonfanti. As for the Colony, the team plans to regroup and make a push for a playoff spot in the coming weeks. “Treading water until Tom “Golden Arm” Brady is back was our plan, and at 2-2 we executed it to perfection,” quipped Colony PR Director Big Red as she snacked on goldfish crackers.

In the surprise of the weekend the Ivernia Avengers crushed the Mootown Marauders 127-30. “Were those overstuffed marshmallows I call players even aware we had a game this weekend? They played like a rec league team. And I just broke the heel of my Louboutin! This weekend sucks and someone will pay!” shrieked Marauders owner Kirsten “Gazprom” Matthis as she stormed out of the stadium. For the Avengers, the win righted the ship to an even keeled record of 2-2 on the season. “We trust now, and always will trust the process.” said Ivernia CEO Eric “Poise” Luallen.

PBR NFFL SCOREBOARD

Urban Achievers 95
Numbers 70

Nimrods 84
Sweepers 139

Eagles 78
Bunnies 38

Dolphins 74
Beavers 71

DOLLAR GENERAL NFFL STANDINGS

TEAM W L T PCT GB
Coles Miners 4 0 0 1.000
Slippery Rock Tortfeasors 3 1 0 .750 1
Golden Eagles 3 1 0 .750 1
Auburn Numbers 2 2 0 .500 2
Canadian Beavers 2 2 0 .500 2
Mootown Marauders 2 2 0  .500 2
Jameistown Colony 2 2 0  .500 2
West Washington Chihuahuas 2 2 0 .500 2
Ivernia Avengers 2 2 0 .500 2
Salem Sweepers 2 2 0 .500 2
Little Lebowski Urban Achievers 2 2 0 .500 2
Miccosukee Nimrods 1 3 0 .333 3
Southwood Dolphins 1 3 0 .333 3
Fluffiest Bunnies 0 4 0 .000 4
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s