Bunnies Maul Miners

Fluffiest Bunnies

Fluffy All Good News Paper (New Born Baby Chick, AL) – Reeling from a season that has tunneled under expectations, the Fluffiest Bunnies pulled the shock of the NFFL season as they nuzzled the Miners to a 74-49 victory. Employing formations, that at best can be described as unorthodox the Bunnies never allowed the Miners to get comfortable on the field. Off field, however, was a different story as Miners played napped, sipped cold drinks and received individual massages. “Kill ’em with kindness is what my gammy always told me to do! And once they’re lulled into a false sense of security, kick ’em in the family jewels,” said Fluffiest Hospitality Manager Katie Lee. Following the game the Miners filed a formal protest with the NFFL alleging the Bunnies engaged in “recklessly thoughtful conduct” which “limited their ability to mount a strong defense” and led to “a hot Chipotle-like mess on the field.”

The Ivernia Avengers led by NFFL newcomer Eric “Velvet Pipes” Luallen squeaked past the Canadian Beavers 98-92. With the win Ivernia improved to 5-3 and sits second overall in points scored, an important NFFL tie-breaker. “My silky smooth voice is not just for calling double plays, it’s also for declaring that this Tampa kid won’t be intimidated by a bunch of attorneys. I got the same education for $0.39 in late fees from the Hillsborough Library. How do you like them apples?” said Luallen as he gave his opponent double guns from midfield. The loss slides the Beavers to 4-4 and means a late season push is needed to plow into the playoffs. Owner Sarah “Tenure Bitches” Hart was unavailable for comment as she was participating in a Zombie Tough Mudder UFC 439 event in the Mojave Desert.

In the late game the West Washington Chihuahuas yipped the Auburn Numbers 102-30. The Numbers were decimated by bye week absences and decided to field a team of six. “Seriously, who am I going to pick up? I saw Jerome Bettis and Phil Simms on the waiver wire. Tempting, but I’ll take my chances next week with a full team,” quipped Andrew “Bye Weeks Suck” Woodward. Meanwhile, the Chis celebrated the victory deep into the night led by the soulful sounds of Karl Barx and the Los Chimichangos. “Anytime you can get a win in the NFFL, you celebrate! Sure we tore apart a team whose heart wasn’t in it, but it’s still a W,” said Chi’s Offensive Coordinator Rocky “3 lb Hammer” Bonfanti.

PBR NFFL SCOREBOARD

Achievers 87
Marauders 103

Eagles 64
Dolphins 80

Nimrods 110
Colony 118

Sweepers 89
Tortfeasors 74

DOLLAR GENERAL NFFL STANDINGS

TEAM W L T PCT GB
Coles Miners 6 2 0 .750
Salem Sweepers 5 3 0 .625 1
Ivernia Avengers 5 3 0 .625 1
West Washington Chihuahuas 5 3 0 .625 1
Jameistown Colony 5 3 0 .625 1
Slippery Rock Tortfeasors 5 3 0  .625 1
Golden Eagles 5 3 0  .625 1
Canadian Beavers 4 4 0 .500 2
Mootown Marauders 4 4 0 .500 2
Little Lebowski Urban Achievers 3 5 0 .375 3
Southwood Dolphins 3 5 0 .375 3
Miccosukee Numbers 2 6 0 .250 4
Fluffiest Bunnies 2 6 0 .250 4
Auburn Numbers 2 6 0 .250 4
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